MaenoKioku's Xanga

Friday, June 13, 2008

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 14:25:37 GMT

Huh! So I'm with Aj-sama, bringing Xanga back to the class of '09 and above. >_> I mean, considering... nyeeeh..

Alright, so I'm not going to be all that active, but I'll try. Mmmf...

That's all for now.

~Yuuki

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Sun, 22 Jul 2007 21:58:02 GMT

Alright, so I just finished reading the final installment of Harry Potter. It was, in itself, worth the wait. I was amazed at how fast I read it, because I didn't want it to end, and I found that I didn't really want to finish it. When I did complete it, that would be the end, there wouldn't be anymore surprises, there wouldn't be any more new things to read about Harry Potter and his amazing adventures.

My feelings towards the book in general was that it was amazing; I found myself wondering what I would do in Harry's situations. They seemed so stressful and confusing that sometimes I felt overwhelmed with the power of his decisions, because I worried about the lives of the other characters. Kind of stupid, but true. I was surprised at each turn, where each died, and I was shocked that they actually did die. They were characters that I thought Death would evade, because each seemed so strong.

Yet what annoyed me most was the ending; throughout the book, there was a feeling of suspense and anticipation, that background mood of depression, and the ending.. somehow, it just disappointed me. I'm not sure if I could have done better, and I do admire J.K. Rowling's work as an author. But the ending, to me, was somewhat anti-climatic. Voldemort's death was, of course, expected, but the way he died was so mundane (as she put it) that it startled me. The last thirty pages of the book, I half-expected for him to come back, for J.K. Rowling to leave us once again hanging on an eternal cliffhanger.

But he didn't, and we were left with Nineteen Years Later, which showed the remaining characters' whereabouts now that "He Who Must Not Be Named" was long gone. Some of the characters ad a change of heart, and I was pleasantly surprised about it, but it didn't matter to me much. I suppose I was searching for something more, something that I thought should have been there, but was wrong and didn't exist.

Now, I also want to compliment on J.K. Rowling's talent on writing. I was amazed that she thought of all this throughout the series, and she had the skill to actually write things that so many readers didn't even anticipate. She kept everyone in suspense and was able to bring them back with each book, the mysteries so dark that the solution was impossible to figure out without reading through and figuring out who was sacrificed in the process.

It also took a while for it to sink in that this was going to be the last book of Harry Potter that I would read, the last new surprises, the last new mysteries, the last new joys I would share with them. I, of course, stayed up quite late to finish it before I nearly passed out from exhaustion, and halfway through the book, it hit me. No, I was not reading a fanfiction, and I could not just go out and buy another one of his adventures. I wanted to stop reading, so I could prolong the time that I had with these precious characters, but it was inevitable. At two-thirty in the morning, I looked at the book and thought to myself, I'll just finish this chapter. And when I did, I just had to find out what happened next. And after that, I had to find what happened next.

Such an unending circle.

Either way, the book is a mixed blessing. It's sad to see the last book out and read, but I know throughout the rest of my life I will continue to reread those books about a million times over.

~San

Monday, July 02, 2007

Mon, 02 Jul 2007 17:49:12 GMT

i watch as the sakura blossoms fall, sitting under the vast tree
i stare up at the black night sky, the pink petals swirling in the air
soft scents of the flower float around me, and my mood is melancholy
to think of the things that happened before

many things have changed in the past few years
so many strings attached to what seems like an easy deal
but to follow in a path that has been untouched for centuries
might possibly be easier than it looks

a thoughtful mood, watching the moon shine high in the sky as it reaches its zenith
quiet air and no one around
there's nothing to judge, no one to judge, no mistakes made here
it's impossible to make any wrongs in this peaceful solitude

this solace is short lasted, considering everything that is coming
a rest is necessary once in a while, to gather your thoughts
pull your strength together and fight with your head held high
don't let anything bring you down

---

That was pretty bad. Gomenasai.

~San

Monday, July 02, 2007

Mon, 02 Jul 2007 00:42:03 GMT

Changed my layout. Still Bleach obsessed (not like it would change in two days' time). It's pretty. I can't get enough of the Kuchiki siblings, Rukia and Byakuya.

It's pink, do you have a problem with that? I liked the Japanese up at the top under Rukia's picture. This is one of the few pink things I like.. deal with it.

~San

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Sat, 30 Jun 2007 01:30:26 GMT

Update?

Currently so obsessed with Bleach it's unbelievable. I've spent so much money on the manga, I swear.. and I'm still planning to get more. I want to buy up to the 19th volume, but I only have 9. And I have plushies. Bleach plushies! Soul Reaper Ichigo and Radio Kon. Heeeeeeh. They make me happy.

Happy happy happy.. *runs around pretending to be a soul reaper* I want to go to Oni-con as either Sango, Yuki Cross, or Kuchiki Rukia! Or Kurosaki Ichigo. Heeeeeh.. not sure yet.

Oh yeah, I got a tie. I like that tie. I'm not a cross dresser, thanks. And I went to Walgreen's today and did that interview. I hope I got the job as a service clerk; it's only five minutes away from my house. Besides, it's a whole $7.25 an HOUR. In one month there, I could get three months' pay at Kumon. But I'm staying at Kumon, certianly. Even though MY BEST FRIENDS ARE LEAVING ME. But no. I'm a nice person and I'll keep my job there. Besides, I love it.

Grrr. Chelsea leaves tomorrow, and Shelby only works ONCE next month, then Jessica isn't working for one whole week, and I'm only working five days out of the eight that I could! It frustrates me! ONLY FIVE DAYS! That's horrible! I'm pulling four of the five days, the one Tuesday I work is grading. GRADING!

*overly dramatic* It's.... the end.

.....just kidding. I have Bleach stuff. *happy dance* And I REALLY want to get back into contact with my college (now sophomore) friend Tiff, but.. I can't!! Eeek! I don't know how! *cries* Must do that..

Did I mention my sugar? I haven't eaten sugar and I'm HYPER. For no reason. I'm guessing it's the lack of sleep. And the rhyming. All that rhyming.. making me think so late at night. *glares* RHYMING. About Mary and her lamb that lives in a frying pan and she turns on the fire and the whole mood turns dire. I think Mary was hungry.

I'm ready to go soul reaper! Let's beat this Ernie Ishida Quincy!

Uryu: It's Uryu. Uryu Ishida.

Right. Either way, I'll beat you, you moron!

Uryu: You can't even remember my name..

Oooh, yeah. On Adult Swim, watching Bleach... EEEEEEEEE. Uryu (one of my fav. characters), his voice... it's Ichijouji Ken's voice! Aaaaaaah! And I watched Digimon at like 1:30 last night. Season 02. Heeeeh. I love Ken.

This entry is long. Gomen. No one reads it anyway.

~San

Monday, June 18, 2007

Mon, 18 Jun 2007 19:05:27 GMT

I didn’t know she felt this way.

The way she looked around, I should have been able to tell by that. I should have been able to find that pain inside her eyes, even if she wouldn’t admit to me that she felt it. I should have pressed her to give me information, but I thought I would respect her space.

Sometimes, don’t you have to insist for them to tell you, because it might be fatal? Why do they think that they have to keep everything inside? No matter how many times the lectures have been said, it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t seem to sink in.

I want it to sink in.

Though when I couldn’t find her, I simply thought, “She’ll be alright. Nothing that bad has ever happened before and she said she could take care of herself.” What if she couldn’t? That thought occurred to me, but I quickly dismissed it.

So now there is guilt, there is denial, there is self-blame and misery. Decisions have to be made, and I don’t know if I can be the one to make it. All I know was that there were many things horrible in her life, and I couldn’t even begin to comprehend it, maybe because she didn’t feel like telling me or I didn’t want to understand.

I had done my share of horrible things in the past.

This being so, I found it easy to confide in her, and so she knows all about me: my torture, my rage, my vengeance. But I don’t know anything about her. And now all I can do is wait, wait for her to wake up and maybe begin to barely trust me once again, if she did at all in the first place.

Sadly, I can’t seem to accept this, but I’m going to have to in order to gain anything anymore from her. When she wakes up, I want to be the first thing she sees, but I don’t know if she’ll find the image of me repulsive or comforting, but I want to be the latter. I want this more than anything I’ve ever wanted.

I think I love her.

That one feeling, the thing deep in my heart... what else could it be called, other than love? A warm feeling that spreads through the body, an anxiety that’s so sweet it’s like poisoned wine, or an addictive drug. I have no other word for it, therefore what else could it be? I hadn’t even felt this for myself, but somehow she could make me better.

Silently, I wait. Is that all I can do now? I waited for her to come back. I waited to look for her. Now that I’ve found her, all I can do is continue to wait, wait until she wakes up again. Don’t you understand this feeling? When I finally found her, she was scrapped up after fighting and bloody all over.

I wanted to give up everything for her.

The pain had been written all over her face, and her last words before she fell into this endless dream was “one year, one year ago... and she doesn’t even remember.” Is she thinking of someone else, other than me? Did she even see me? Could she see me? And why can’t I cross her mind as someone else?

Still, I wait, wait for her to remember me and to try and figure out what’s happened. I want to be there for her. I want to love her and be loved in return. That’s a lot to ask for, I know, but maybe she’ll understand me like all the others didn’t. I’d be happy.

Eternally happy.

~~~

I think it turned out sort of good. Why don't you tell me what YOU think, though?

~San

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Thu, 14 Jun 2007 19:07:43 GMT

Updates:

+.. Current obsession: Bleach
+.. New sketchbook
+.. Pirates of the Carribean: At World's End is awesome
+.. Borders is still awesome
+.. Hero's Come Back by NobodyKnows+ is out in full version now
+.. Driver's License: Still unable to drive anyway..
+.. Naruto favorite characters: Sai, Itachi, Neji, Yondaime
+.. Started drawing personal manga: Bounty!
+.. Still emotionally confused-edded
+.. My little sister is in looove! (kusou, she's five, now what's wrong with ME?) <3
+.. My Facebook is better than the xanga..

Unzarishiteiru.

~San

Monday, June 11, 2007

Mon, 11 Jun 2007 18:52:33 GMT

Hmm.. yesterday I went to my aunt's house to celebrate my Maama's birthday, or something like that. I spent most of the time with my cousins, and it was amusing. I do not think Tracy likes me much, though. Either that, or she is really shy.

Anyway, I spent some time with my cousin Michelle, and we watched "Dude Where's My Car" and "Cheaper By The Dozen". "Dude Where's My Car" was very weird.. I found some parts funny. Anyway, I spent more time yelling at Justin, who kept running around saying "Sasuke's cool, Neji's blind!!" and then teasing me about something about Sasuke not being able to save me from my inner emoness (and which I'm also a "demon"; he can see it in my eyes, he says).

Then he ranted about any Byakugon users being blind, to which I did not take well to and we ended up yelling at each other. I kept telling him that Sai, Neji, and Itachi are awesome and Sasuke sucks. He goes on and on.. but I did draw him a picture of him and Sasuke getting married, because he said he wanted to. It's on Michelle's MySpace.. I want to go look at it, but I don't know her MySpace account. Heeeeeh.

Anyway, Justin has Naruto Shippuden manga! Up to atleast volume 32.. that's the one I read. Heeeh. It's all in Chinese, though. He said Mark got it for him. I'm going to ask Mark for some too, because Michelle said that Justin is on the same level as I am (Chinese-character understanding wise). Basically, my Chinese vocabulary is the same as his, but he dropped out of Chinese school. I intend to continue to further my education in the Chinese language. I want to read those manga! Besides, they look so much cooler than the English version.. and Sai is so cool.. heeeeh. And Neji looks awesome!!

I did meet his friend Jerry though, two weeks ago. Jerry likes Kisame and thinks that Gai and Lee are disturbing. I managed to convince him that they are only (mostly) there for comic relief, but he thinks that it will stll haunt his dreams...

...hope so.

~San

Monday, June 04, 2007

Mon, 04 Jun 2007 17:46:02 GMT

Different views are hard to accept sometimes.

Is this one of those times?

---

to falter in my path is to fall down and seem uncertian
and to stumble in this important time is to show a weakness
if i allow this to be unveiled i cannot keep my persona
therefore it would be ruined

how can i bear to hide this hurt
the betrayal of this one hurts more than most
so what shall i do to prevent this from happening
i have found that trust is not so easy to give to one another

maybe it is the past that might catch up to me
is that truly what i fear?
a wish upon a star may come true, in time
but the time is never specified, and so i am here, waiting

but waiting for what?

---

Tired. Extremely.. tired. I am now sixteen though, as of June 2nd.

~San

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Wed, 09 May 2007 21:07:01 GMT

"My suffering left me sad and gloomy."

So I am grounded, and it's driving me insane. No IM or email.. and my mother is having serious talks with me about how I need to open up to her. I detest talking about myself, and that is what she wishes me to do. I also dislike "voicing my opinion", which everyone wants me to do of late. I do not understand, why do they want me to talk?

I do not wish for help either, and that is what my parents are offering. They are acting so strangely; yesterday I walked to Kumon for work, and as usual, I had to call my father to tell him that I had arrived safely with Chelsea. Right before I hung up, he did something very unusual: he told me he loved me. Not that he doesn't usually, just, not right before I hang up.

My mother took me out after work yesterday to talk to me, and it was really bad, since apparently I scared her. She started to cry in the middle of our little "talk", which made everything so much worse. We finally got home and out of that miserable emotional mess, and now they are trying to pretend that everything is perfectly fine. I do not like this, and I do not wish for any "help", therapist or not.

No more at the moment. Jaa.

~San

//edit//

On a lighter note..

---

20 Things To Do At A Drive Thru

1.Drive through the drive thru in reverse and let your passenger order.

2.Ask prices of everything on the menu then order something that you did not ask the price for.

3.Pretend like your window is broken. Tell the employee this. Order with your door open, pay with your door open. Roll down window and take food through the window.

4.Go to McDonalds and demand a big breakfast at 11:30 at night. Put up a fight.

5.Pay for a large order in pennies and nickels unwrapped.

6.Order in another language. Be careful what neighborhood you are in.

7.When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just window shopping and drive on.

8.Laugh sadistically when asked if you would like ketchup.

9.Ask how they fit into that little box.

10.If they make you wait, make them wait when they come back on.

11.Demand to speak to the manager. When he comes on, complain that you did not like the way the employee said "May I take your order?"

12.When asked if they can take your order say "No, why can't I take yours?"

13.If they ask you to wait, order anyway and keep doing it till they yell at you.

14.Pretend like your car broke down. Ask for assistance in moving it. When they come out, drive away.

15.Tell them you have to use the bathroom.

16.Order a cup of water and two napkins. That's it.

17.Don't order when they come on. Just sit there. If a line forms behind you, get out of the car and cause a scene.

18.When they hand you your food, hand them a bag back with all the trash from your car in it.

19.Just stare at them when you pay and get your food. Don't break your stare.

20.Honk your horn the whole way through the line.

---

Heeeeeh.

~San